It's Like Little Thought Bubbles (Inside your head)

In high school i was kind of a loner.
There. I admitted it.

I mean, I wasn't a total geek, i had a few friends, and we had our spot at lunch time. I had people to hang out and pass the time with - but i can honestly say there is only one of those people that i still talk to today.

I was one of those kids that wanted people to like me, but i also suffered (and still do) with anxiety, and i was pretty darn introverted.

Pretty much a recipe for failure from the get go. Go me.

Moving along to to my actual thought, at what point did we start defining ourselves by how many people like us? Its like wrapping your self esteem up in a wicked little box (handmade of course) plucking it with a ribbon and presenting it to a no good jerk sitting at THE table in the cafeteria. And then we act surprised when they throw it on the floor, announce that they are going to stomp on it, and continue to do so with no mercy.

So i stopped with the unappreciated presents and instead adopted a twisted take on self confidence.

Exhibit #1:
I'm me, and I like me. Stupid popular people don't like me because I'm not good enough. I'm probably not, but its their fault so I'm going to resent them for it.

Now i know we are all about teaching kids that they are special just the way they are, and they shouldn't change themselves for someone else.

But this theory has really messed with my young adulthood.

I began painting everyone with the popular brush, and i think. No i know. Ive missed out on a lot of great friendships because i automatically assumed they wouldn't want to be friends with me.

Exhibit #2:
Meet cool girl who likes books, tattoos and traveling (hey, just like me!), but she probably wouldn't want to be friends because it seems like she has her own group of friends, they all probably have really cool personalities/hair/clothing style, defeating any need to add to their circle of friends.

And really, how is that good for anyone? Umm hello, it's not! (so if you do this, and your reading this --> stop now! You will feel silly about it later)

It wasn't until my "after highschool years" that I started trying to be a little more open with who I tried to be friends with. Don't get me wrong, I was still terrified of people telling me wasn't cool enough (this fear stemming from 6th grade when a friend of mine actually told me that she wasn't allowed to be friends with me because my clothes weren't cool enough). (I wish I was making that up. If it wasn't true - it would make for a funny joke).

And as a result, a miracle happened. A group of us came together just when each of us needed it. We bonded, we laughed, we cried. Then somehow that tight knit group of friends fell apart. We grew up. Some of us moved away, some starting playing mommy, some pursued their dreams, and some had falling outs. We lost touch. Life got in the way.

But really, there comes a time when you realize that all that "i'm not good enough or popular enough to be their friend" was probably all in our heads.

When the person who seems snotty isn't, when the person who makes wicked cool art will probably show you how, when the people with lots of friends really just need 1 good friend, or when the girl who writes wicked cool stories about her life just might want to have coffee with you too.

Exhibit #3
Run into someone from highschool who you thought you weren't good enough to be friends with. Actually say hi. Actually talk. Actually ask if they want to go for coffee sometime. Actually listen and be a genuine friend. If you never talk to them again, so be it. You can handle it when guys do this to you can't you?

Do me a favor and make my mistakes worthwhile - and start trying to stop shortchanging yourself