On the Power of Twitter

I'm not going to lie.

Some days, social media blows me away.

I mean, really, how long has it been since you've reviewed your connections online?

If you're like me, you like facebook, but you like twitter even better. You consider your (for lack of a better word) tweeps extended family. In fact, sometimes interacting with them seems more rewarding than with your RL friends (that's real life for the rest of you folk), because at least your twitter friends don't think you're crazy.

Am I right?

When I first dug my heals into this whole social media thing, I was looking for community. You see, the creative community in Chilliwack (where I currently reside) is fairly non-existant. Asides from your typical knitting craft show, there isn't many free-spirited creative-minded entruprenual-types making their way out of the woodwork here.

(In fact, if you consider yourself that sort of person - I would love to hear from you!)

After breaking into the mold, struggling slightly with my online identity (what to share, what not to share), and feeling like the new kid that starts 1/2 way through the school year when all the other kids are already friends, I started to feel at home.

Like anything, it takes time and effort - but the network I'm creating is starting to come together (and at the risk of repeating myself, like an extended family of sorts). In the run of a day I can ask for help, get directions, give advice and find a great place for dinner.

But every once in a while, I run into someone who just doesn't get it, and then I tend to go off on a bit of a tangent. Because really, I still like to step back and marvel at the wonder that is social media. I am still blown away how quickly news can spread through twitter, or how small companies can gain clientele simply through facebook, or just by the awesomeness of it all.

Just the sheer enjoyment of being able to send a direct message to Jann Arden gives this girl goosebumps.

It gets so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of new technology, that I think we seem to overlook exactly what is going on right under our nose. We currently have the ability to literally connect with almost anyone with a computer. Tell me that isn't remarkable.

The next time you hit sign-in (or sign-up!) take a moment to reflect on how far we've come in the world of communication and networking.

And maybe say a little thanks for all it has done for you.

Photo Credit

On Being Unique

Sometimes I find it hard to write.

Sometimes it's because of a head cold, or loud surroundings, or because I'm feeling down in the dumps.

But it's mostly due to over saturation.

I know you know what I'm talking about - when you spend too much time reading other people's work, and not enough time with your own quiet mind.

Because then, when it comes time for you to actually write, all you hear is comparisons. Each sentence you jot down (whether it be on the computer or on paper) is compared to something you read earlier in the hour/day/week.

You start second guessing your thoughts, and whether or not they are original (or simply re-incarnations and combination of thoughts you've recently read).

And isn't that a shame? When you can't even tell whose thoughts your thoughts are anymore?

So today I retreated. I floated on twitter, but I also spent time reading actual books. I sipped tea, listened to music, and took an extra long, extra hot shower.

Throughout all this, I realized that my heart really does have a voice. Even though, in those darker moments of self-consciousness and lack of motivation that we feel unoriginal, every one of us capable of being a completely unique individual.

Today, my voice wanted to share hope for those of us that feel lost. It wanted to remind everyone to appreciate the smaller things that make us happy instead of comparing our lives to others. It wanted to tell the world to pick up Simply Abundance, because it really is an incredible book that has the power to make women smile on the inside.

I wanted to share what I learned, but for some reason I spent 2 hours staring at a blank page just trying to string enough correct words together to express how I felt. Unfortunately, everyone else's words were blocking mine. Someone, somewhere else had said it better than I ever could.

Isn't it funny how, the moment I decided to write something different from them, the words flew from my fingers faster than I could type. If that isn't a testament to individuality, I'm not sure what is.

So instead of writing about making use of the little things, or how I learned to choose what meant the most to me, I'm writing about the thoughts that make us who we are.

The thoughts that somebody reads and thinks "that's something Shannon really would say" or "that (insert name here), always teaching us something different about (topic)". Because isn't that what a blog is for?

Isn't it our little corner of the earth where we get to celebrate the individuality that is ourselves?

So the next time you get overwhelmed about another writers corner of the interweb, remember to read for pure enjoyment only. Remember to read, and learn, but not to compare.

Remember that what your reading (hopefully) comes natural to the creator and that attempting to implement that writing style, or those features into your own would not be natural for you.

I've been there. Since becoming active in the blogging world, I've seen a handful of online spaces that I'd loved so much, I considered throwing my layout and design out the window for something more like theres. (I'm fairly certain I'm overly prone to having an identity crisis).

Anyone else out there feeling overwhelmed by the unending amount of talent and inspiring floating out there in the virtual world?

Photo Credit

on the problem with comparisons

(image source)

I spent yesterday home sick. Full on sore throat, sweats, fever and body aches, bundled up in a bazillion layers watching tv and surfing the web. Somehow - it was less than enjoyable. Go Figure.

I did work on my art journal in small bits of time, in between naps on the couch.

Mostly I just thought, and paid attention to the matters sitting heavily on my heart.

I thought about creativity, individuality, how people view others and themselves, and how I view myself.

I thought about my own image, and how I style my hair, and the clothes that I wear (and I realized how long it's been since I've bought myself new clothes). I considered buying new clothes, but even if I had a ton of disposable income, I'm not really sure what kinds of clothes I would buy. I think I'm going through a minor identity crisis.

To be perfectly honest, I've always struggled very much with accepting my appearance. I was (and still am) deathly afraid of looking funny or being made fun of. I spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying if i look "put together" enough, if my hair is straight enough, or if it looks like a mop if I leave it go its own curly way.

I also spend equally ridiculous amounts of time admiring other people's hairstyles, or make up, or outfits, secretly trying to figure out how I could re-create that look for myself.

Trouble is, I don't spend near enough time thinking about creating those looks on my own. I know this. I recognize the problem in this, and yet I still can't seem to shake these mind patterns that I've held on to for so long.

When I was younger, it was about copying those that "fit in", and as I grew older, it was about copying those "that the guys liked" (because that just oozes self confidence!), and now... well now it's just residual feelings I suppose. Not wanting to be criticized, not wanting to look like a child, not wanting to be passed over for that raise or possible promotion because of my image.

These thoughts, mized with my desire to actually be my own person, and develop my own artistic, cooky-yet-comfortable style, left me beside myself. I didn't know where to start. And eventually got so lost, that it just started negatively affecting me.

Thankfully, my view on how I look has never been about my weight. It usually always had/has something to do with my inability to complete the look I'm going for. Even if that look is (like I mentioned above) to "not look funny." Because when I look in the mirror, I still see the 15 year old kid with glasses and braces and foofy curly hair, and freckles.

Weird, huh?

Which is why I go through phases of actually avoiding mirrors altogether.

And I've decided comparisons are to blame. I would really like to know who told women (and girls) that it was ok for us to compare ourselves to others? At what point did it become ok for society to provide girls with an image of what they should look like? And, like my friend Kayla mentions over on her blog, at what point did we decide that our self worth is tied to how we look?

I get that some of us are probably more likely to be affected by these things than others. And some people struggle with their reflections a lot more than others. And that even though I'm one of them, it still makes me sad that the next generation of girls, growing into women, will probably struggle even more than my generation is.

Because it's a horrible feeling to always be wondering if the person across the table from you is actually thinking about how awful you look.

I know, because I've been there. But everyday I'm working at it. Everyday I'm getting a little closer with coming to terms with myself, accepting who I am, and trying to let go of those nasty little gremlins in my thoughts. And everyday I'm making a conscious effort to stop comparing myself to others.

It's Like Little Thought Bubbles (Inside your head)

In high school i was kind of a loner.
There. I admitted it.

I mean, I wasn't a total geek, i had a few friends, and we had our spot at lunch time. I had people to hang out and pass the time with - but i can honestly say there is only one of those people that i still talk to today.

I was one of those kids that wanted people to like me, but i also suffered (and still do) with anxiety, and i was pretty darn introverted.

Pretty much a recipe for failure from the get go. Go me.

Moving along to to my actual thought, at what point did we start defining ourselves by how many people like us? Its like wrapping your self esteem up in a wicked little box (handmade of course) plucking it with a ribbon and presenting it to a no good jerk sitting at THE table in the cafeteria. And then we act surprised when they throw it on the floor, announce that they are going to stomp on it, and continue to do so with no mercy.

So i stopped with the unappreciated presents and instead adopted a twisted take on self confidence.

Exhibit #1:
I'm me, and I like me. Stupid popular people don't like me because I'm not good enough. I'm probably not, but its their fault so I'm going to resent them for it.

Now i know we are all about teaching kids that they are special just the way they are, and they shouldn't change themselves for someone else.

But this theory has really messed with my young adulthood.

I began painting everyone with the popular brush, and i think. No i know. Ive missed out on a lot of great friendships because i automatically assumed they wouldn't want to be friends with me.

Exhibit #2:
Meet cool girl who likes books, tattoos and traveling (hey, just like me!), but she probably wouldn't want to be friends because it seems like she has her own group of friends, they all probably have really cool personalities/hair/clothing style, defeating any need to add to their circle of friends.

And really, how is that good for anyone? Umm hello, it's not! (so if you do this, and your reading this --> stop now! You will feel silly about it later)

It wasn't until my "after highschool years" that I started trying to be a little more open with who I tried to be friends with. Don't get me wrong, I was still terrified of people telling me wasn't cool enough (this fear stemming from 6th grade when a friend of mine actually told me that she wasn't allowed to be friends with me because my clothes weren't cool enough). (I wish I was making that up. If it wasn't true - it would make for a funny joke).

And as a result, a miracle happened. A group of us came together just when each of us needed it. We bonded, we laughed, we cried. Then somehow that tight knit group of friends fell apart. We grew up. Some of us moved away, some starting playing mommy, some pursued their dreams, and some had falling outs. We lost touch. Life got in the way.

But really, there comes a time when you realize that all that "i'm not good enough or popular enough to be their friend" was probably all in our heads.

When the person who seems snotty isn't, when the person who makes wicked cool art will probably show you how, when the people with lots of friends really just need 1 good friend, or when the girl who writes wicked cool stories about her life just might want to have coffee with you too.

Exhibit #3
Run into someone from highschool who you thought you weren't good enough to be friends with. Actually say hi. Actually talk. Actually ask if they want to go for coffee sometime. Actually listen and be a genuine friend. If you never talk to them again, so be it. You can handle it when guys do this to you can't you?

Do me a favor and make my mistakes worthwhile - and start trying to stop shortchanging yourself

mindfulist | your life considered

So far, during my media hiatus (social and/or otherwise) I have significantly cut down on the types of places I have been spending time, when I am making use of the internet.

I am slowing admitting to myself that I may, in fact, have an addiction to knowledge.

And not the simple little harmless kind of addiction. I'm talking can't-wait-to-finish-this-article-so-i-can-find-another-article- just-like-it-and-maybe-find-another-link-to-another-article-for-me-to-read
kind.

So basically, of the time I am spending to read the initial article at hand, I have basically considered all the other articles that I could be reading/might be lead to OR could be lead to by following those handy dandy hyperlinks scattered all over whichever article I am reading.

It was at that point, ladies and gentleman, that I started to abuse the "open in a new tab" option. Before I knew it, I have more tabs open then I can fit along the top of my screen and I'm speed reading trying to absorb all the information in each one before moving on to the next.

Banning the "new tab" option is something that I have eliminated during this social media cleanse challenge.

If you recall, my word/saying for 2010 is

Be Still

and I am constantly learning new ways to apply this to my everyday life
I am learning lessons, I am learning what it means.
But most importantly, I am beginning to learn that others feel the same

Regardless, two of the very frequent websites that I've continued browsing through are a) 43 folders and b) the mindful list (aka themindfulist.com). As a disclaimer, I seem to always spell website B wrong. I can never remember if it's the mindful list or themindfulist. Turns out, its alway the second (with only one L!).

Anyways, I won't mention too much about 43 folders, except that it is an incredible resource library of everything from improving your website, to how to manage your creative worktasks is a stressful work environment, to how to empty your email inbox so you can go back to living simi normally. Although the email portion is mostly geared towards people who receive upwards of 50 emails a day, there is still an incredible amount of information available for those of us interested in setting up procedures and things to make our lives easier if, no wait, when, we get bigger.

In regard to themindfulist, I have reset my homepage on my work computer to this address, and I have been heard to strongly recommend others to do the same. There's something about opening up your web browser, and the first thing you see is a prompt such as this:

Grace
How do you cultivate grace in your life? What can you do to show grace in one simple way today?

Because really, how can you continue on your day being completing and totally unsatisfied and miserable, when you have a reminder such as this greeting you every time you open your internet?

A few weeks ago they posed the question of breathing ability, and asked their readers to pay attention to where their breath is coming from.

I really do think that in this technology and stress and go-go-go mentality focused world, we all need a remind to check our breath. Like a 15 point inspection on a car before we take a trip, humans need their own 15 (or 20 or 25) point inspection everytime we get up, put our eyes on, and get ready for the new day.

The mindfulist gives us an opportunity to thing for a moment regarding what we doing, how we're doing it, and how we feel while we're doing it.

It's the new thing people - so spread the word.

There will be community gathering there. I can guarantee it.

taking a media break

Hey guys and dolls

I've been taking a little bit of a social media hiatus lately... and it feels good good good.

After reading this post over at the Gypsy Girl's Guide, I've been contemplating the reasons why I write here, and why I use twitter, and why I am trying to connect people.

I've realized that the true main reason I started writing this blog, was in hopes to find and connect with other like minded people (as myself).

i must be doing something wrong

As the Gypsy Girl so honestly describes, somehow, somewhere along the way of connecting with others, we loose sight of what it's all about.

So I've been taking some time to think about how I spend my time online, what I'm thinking when I am online, and how it makes me feel. And sadly, the minute i stopped scouring the internet looking for people to connect with, the better i felt about myself.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I often reflect back on the blog that I used to write a few years ago, while I was still in college.

I think about what I wrote about, how I wrote it, extra things I did to express myself, and most importantly, how I felt while I was doing so.

And for some reason, I seemed to feel BETTER doing it years ago, than I do now. Don't get me wrong, I love my little blog with my modest number of followers, and it feels great to write for it. But something about the stats, the business concepts and the details I feel I should be implementing (design & layout ideas, post ideas, etc) is seeming to tharwt my usual imaginative self.

I actually feel like I am always trying to get back to the days that have passed. The days where I could sit myself in front of a computer screen with a warm cup of tea and just write. On any topic that seemed to being nagging at my heart on that particular day. To share insight and encouragement to those around me. To be silly, and creative, and quirky.

No matter what anyone else says, those were the days that my fingers flew, that my heart was attached to every character typed. It was my heart, exposed.

It probably wasn't a coincidence that in those days, I didn't read many other blogs. I only knew about those that my friends or co-workers had, and together we created our own kind of network from scratch.

Since starting my new, more "grown up" blog, I am consistently feeling a need to break into a network. Maybe if I comment enough I'll be accepted, maybe if I increase my traffic I'll be accepted, maybe if i could create artwork was as good as ______ I'd be accepted.

I've learned that the blog community is supposed to be just that, but finding your space can be much more difficult than one would think - especially in today's business related world, where you are only worth knowing if you are good enough/tweeted enough/or if your site is visited enough.

Truth be told, the more I read, the more successful people I was exposed to, the more I felt that I wasn't good enough. In a world where we need money in order to pursue our passions, i became easily influenced by those running craft/art/photography blogs, and using them to generate income by accepting sponsors.

I then began spending too much time considering my online image, considering how to become an opportunist, wondering how i could possibly become more of a possibilitarian, or how i could make my blog a "viable platform" for whatever business idea i may be cooking up to launch in the near-or-far future.

so I'm taking some time to think

I'm taking some time to get back on the right track, and not allow myself to become discouraged by the greatness of others - because it seems that is all i am seeing this days (which doesn't bode well for anybodies well-being, especially my own).

So adieu for now, but not forever

[and on a totally unrelated note.... GO CRYSTAL BOWERSOX :) ]

one little word | stillness

Earlier this year, I stumbled across Ali Edwards blog.

I was excited about this for a number of reasons. First of which - she is an incredibly inspiring scrapbooker with vision and ideas galore, and her work has been inspiring me for quite some time.

Second of which, she has this wonderful idea about selecting words for an entire year. And not words as in a number of words for one year.

One word = one year.

So, in typical Shannon fashion, I breezed through the post, skimmed ideas, got inspired, looked at pictures and bulleted points, and said to myself I've gotta do that. I've gotta pick a word for 2010.

I bookmarked the page, and moved on to the next thing i was doing. And then the next, and then the next.

Until I forgot where I came from, and I forgot where I was going - and leaving me with two handfuls full of half-developed ideas, and words and phrases and ideas that I am scrambling to find a way to remember.

This, ladies and gentleman, seems to be my life. It seems that about a year after graduation, I suddenly developed a combination of GAD and OCD. For those of you who aren't familiar with all the abbreviated medical names, these stand for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - and can have more of an affect on people than the general public may be aware of.

Most of the time I feel like i'm only concentrating with half my mind. No matter how much I try - no matter how much I attempt to focus, i can never read/write/discover or research anything with the same level of focus i had during my highschool, and early college years. It has become difficult to piece thoughts and ideas together, in the way that I would like them to.

Imagine painting a picture and needing the perfect colour green, but you realize you misplaced your blue paint. And then, once you've found your blue paint, you realize you can no longer find the yellow (to make green, of course). It's like I know I want green paint, and i know how and what I need to make it, but the coming together of the two happens less than wonderfully.

Regardless, i came across Ali's blog again today (low and behold I had completely forgotten and moved past the wonderful idea of one little word.) (aka I moved on from the green and decided you make pink instead)(and now iIhave finally returned to making the green).

Since I've been trying to limit my extreme monkey mind, and have been attempting to keep my mind on any particular subject for at least 5 minutes before changing mental channels, I really decided to dig into the challenge in front of me.

(what was my word for 2010)

And i knew my word. In an instant.

Stillness

To be still in something (whether it be a place, special spot, in the presence of a loved one, or something so much bigger) you must become mindful of your surroundings, but not overly so.

Focused by your breath, but not distracted. Self-aware but not self-conscious. Inspired but not overwhelmed.

To be still in the moment, to be present in the universe, to be taking everything in without analyzing, interpreting, or judging.

To allow thoughts to process one at a time, and letting them slowly pass through you mind, in a fluid, silent movement.

Seems simple in theory, but difficult in practice (at least for me).

Over the next little while, you will most likely see me sharing my (attempted) journey to acquiring stillness, and I welcome any pointers anyone our there may have.

In the meantime, if you are struggling with some of the same things as I am, I encourage you to check out The Mindfulist website [powered by a fav influencer of mine, Ms Gwen Bell], where they post a new prompt everyday - to help you in your journey in becoming more mindfull and enlightened, as we continue to be bombarded with information overload on a daily basis.

Thanks for reading folks.
One Love

learning makes me feel alive | E-Course Wish List

Lately I have been contemplating taking a photography course.

Like painting, I have always always felt the urge to just get out there and do it.

So, I save up for what I need (or what I think I need), and then I realize, I have no flippin' idea where to go next.

As if, somehow, I expected myself to pull ideas and knowledge out of my head once I was equipped with supplies. It's strange.

So now that I'm realizing that I have no idea how to hold a paintbrush, or what to do with a camera with so many options (other than use the little automatic option!), I've been scoping out courses.

I first started looking at courses locally, you know, the kind where you actually go to class and share what you've done. But all I've really come across is basic or really beginner classes. unless I drive to Vancouver. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore Vancouver, but the way my life has been going lately (especially with things going so well with made.for {you} cakes), I really don't have the time to be driving into the city once or twice a week.

So I've started keeping an eye open for online courses that I would/could benefit from. and do you know what happens when you start looking for something online? There is movement the size of a mudslide of things falling in your lap. So much so, that it gets a little overwhelming.

Since I've began my search for photography and all things creative courses, I have come across a number of them that I really would like to take. And since I think they are too good to just click by, I'm leaving a few of them here for you. Mostly because I can't possibly take them all, and I'm hoping to live vicariously through someone else who possibly decides to take the ones that I never do.

I really encourage you to check a few of them out, even if you don't have the time/money/resources to take any of them. Just reading what they are all about might get you kickstarted on an incredible journey.

1. Mondo Beyondo: What happens when you give an unspoken wish a place to become a dream come true? How do you gather the courage required to help a newfound dream soar? Join them as they explore Mondo Beyondo - the powerful point of view that transformers our deepest dreams into practical realities. This five week online class complete with inspiring lessons, real life stories, secret missions, audio interviews and hands-on activies will help you take your dreams from the realm of wishing into everyday motion.

2. The Workshop - Photography E-Course - Take this course if you want to challenge yourself with lessons, and learn posing, camera composition and perspectives, you want to find you in your photography, and you want to critique your portfolio and work and learn how to present the best one possible.

3. Unravelling - The E-Course: If you’re hungry for a creative challenge the Unravelling e-courses give you gentle permission to take a couple of hours out of your week just for you. So if you're ready to reconnect with the real you, while supported by a group of like-minded Unravellers, all you need is a camera and a willingness to play and explore..

4. Handmade Writer: The Handmade Writer e-course will help you gather together material from every source imaginable. You will learn about the craft of writing and how to sew those fragments together to build your own pieces of creative writing. The e-course has been inspired by the strength of craft communities as well as the impulse to transform everyday finds into something amazing.

I'm planning on enrolling in the Mondo Beyondo course sometime closer to the summertime. I'll need a while to mentally prepare for it, I think.

I encourage you to check it out, and possibly we can do it together?

Challenge | No Complaints

While catching up on my daily reads, I checked out Kayla's newly designed blog [goodbyeshy.blogspot.com], and her recent entry about embarking on a "no complaint" challenge.

She has a point.

We, as North Americans, usually have more than we will ever need. However, it seems the more that we accumulate, the more it opens new doors for us to want new things. Everytime we purchase a new piece of computer equipment/new video gaming system [or in my case, a new piece of crafting equipment!], there is always then, something else that we need/want/desire.

And sometimes [almost usually] we feel like we are entitled to these new things - which leads to major let downs and complaints when we aren't able to obtain them.

I usually let a lot of things get to me. Whether it be people that I know [and things they say/do], things that happen at work, things that I forget, etc etc etc. And, like Kayla, Mr. Extraordinary has to listen to all of it. It's really not fair.

So I hereby take the pledge to at least try my very darnedest to go (1) full week without complaining about anything, to anyone [except my journal].

I challenge anyone to try it along with us.

Resolution i wish i'd stuck with | Best 09

Q. December 31 Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...)
A. Well folks this is the last day of #best 09 and it has been quite an adventure. I am trying to sum this one up before i begin my new years eve festivities at our humble abode [actually i am even being marginally anti-social right now as people start to arrive!].

Last year i made the resolution to relax more, and i'm pretty sure i didn't stick to that one this year. So perhaps it won't be my new years resolution again this year. I am planning to take on a bit of a different approach by making my goals for 2010 more unique and specific. It's pretty much the only way things actually happen in my life.

With that, my friends, i am signing off and saying goodbye to the year 2009, and muchly looking forward to the promise of growth that 2010 already holds.

Cheers.

Warning: Honesty Included in this Post

I have a strange urge to write for some reason, but i'm not quite sure what to write about. I read my old blog today. it's still up. but i'm the only one who has access to it. And some of it's good. Some of it is actually really good. and it reminds me of a lighter time.

Something about me now is different.

I've always known this. that something. somewhere along the line has changed in me.

I was hoping that reading my old entries would possibly help me uncover this long lost mystery, and help me start reverting back to my old ways. But the most it really amounted was an all expenses paid 2 hour vacation into the past. Well, i suppose that isn't entirely true, it did give me a few leads worth pondering.

I noticed that my writing style now is quite different. I believe some would say more grown up, or professional perhaps. This would mostly be due to the fact that i believe that since i am older, i should act more refined and professional. Mostly going hand in hand with the career that i am beginning to shape. However [which huge emphasis on the however] i have recently discovered that many late twenty something/early thirty something bloggers seem to hold onto their juvinielle writing style, and make it work quite quite well. Which gets me thinking, as we get older, do we really have to lose a part of ourselves? Do we really have to subdue our creative tendencies for the sake of being taken seriously in the corporate world? Is it mandatory for us to limit our expression of personality to fit in the mainstream view of how adults should act and behave?

I suppose I may be going down a rabbit hole, but i am seriously debating where the line is drawn between our youth and our adulthood. Our playful creativity and expression versus the seriousness that seems to overcome the working world. I'm wondering why, now that i do have an actually career rather than a part time job getting me through college, i feel the need to censor myself both in writing, and in "real life" [for lack of a better expression!].

My previous writing [in which my blog was appropriately named "I'll Spill My Heart to You"], my writing went deep into my personal life. Although it is not a lashing out a particular people, it did have it's share of teenage angst, and did explain the very inner workings of my soul. The writing is raw, and honest, and i was completely exposed. In fact, i'm lucky i didn't experience any real drama resulting in the paragraphs published there. These days, i don't expose myself nearly as much [again, both in real life and in writing]. And again, i'm pretty sure it has something to do with my inner desire to create a decent name for myself. Odd. I know.

Another thing i noticed, and remembered from times past, is that my view on writing has changed dramatically. Pre-2007 it seemed that i sat down and wrote because thats how i enjoyed spending my time. I would spend hours typing away like Carrie Bradshaw, reflecting on people, my thoughts and my experiences. Then i would ponder formating, and italics and the way everything laid out on the page until it was just right, and portrayed the feeling i wanted. I didn't feel rushed or short on time or guilty for what i was doing. I just wrote and wrote and wrote to my little heart's content. Now, however, even as i write this, i'm half thinking about work tomorrow, the clothes in the washer, taking Rolo out, and how there is a million other things i should be doing instead of writing.

I often wonder where the change took place and if it was one main event or a series of smaller ones that made my mind shift in thinking. The truth is, that almost everyday i wonder what happened and how i can get back. I know that its not just wishful thinking that i was happier back then. I am confident i was [in a writing perspective... not to be confused with an overall perspective]. I know i preach about living in the present, and i mean everything i say. But i know you will agree with me when i say that sometimes its just so darned hard. It's funny how i look back on things i've previously written and A) i can remember exactly what my life was like when i wrote it, where i was living, what i was doing, who i was friends with and why i was writing it and B) i am impressed and inspired. I am always blown away by my own work, years after i originally write it. I never remember it being that good. I wonder if that's how i will feel about my current writing in a few years from now?

I'm getting to the point now, however, where i am debating giving up the search for "what i had then" Could it possibly be that it is simply the past and the way my life used to be? Am i just supposed to accept the fact that i am different now and this is the way i am supposed to be? It is true that the people i used to be close with have also changed, to the point where we don't even talk anymore. One in particular who influenced me greatly with his written words. Sometimes i feel so very alone in the world of expression, as i no longer am friends with others for have the same need to express themselves as i do. Which then leaves me in search of others out there in the blog abyss (which also sometimes makes me feel slightly creeperish).

I wonder if anyone else out there feels like a floater... waiting to again feel that feeling of inspiration and belonging that only comes with building relationships and connecting with one another (truly).

Signing off for now,

Shan

don't wake me i plan on sleeping in

Holy toleedo it's been forever since i've posted one of these thingamagigs.

I apologize for being a bad blogger - life gets busy!

If i have learned anything from this challenge that i have been embarking on lately, is that people should shorten their "i should" lists!!

For the longest time, i felt guilty for not doing the things that i felt i should be doing. I thought, that if i just did all of those things that i thought i should do, the weight on my shoulders would be a little less, and that i would feel better about myself and how i spent my time. The truth is, i've learned that i just cannot do all those things that i think i should do. I think it is actually impossible. and i realize that this is one of those things that people already understand, and that some of you may be rolling your eyes at me right now because it is such a common sense thing, but it's kind of like a breakthrough for me (hey, we all have our demons right?!).

I realized that no matter how many of those things i was doing, and completing, i didn't feel any better about myself. and, to make matters worse, i wasn't really enjoying any of the things i WAS doing because i kept thinking about what i had to do next. and then it hit me. If i keep thinking i need to do the things that i've been meaning to do to be happy - i would never be happy. because my list would never end! Again, insert "that's common sense" comment here.

So now, instead of worrying about getting everything done, or feeling guilty for not doing something, i'm working on accepting that it is what it is. And that i will simply have to prioritize to accommodate what time i do have to do certain things. and Dr. Laura told me today (relax, she's a radio show) is that people shouldn't feel guilty about things unless they are illegal, immoral, or fattening. And well, not making & finishing Christmas cards by December 5th is certainly not any of those.

So, yes, my moral of the story is to not worry so much about what i'm not doing. Because i don't have to be super woman, i am enough just as i am. even if i spend all day in my pjs watching Lost and Criminal Minds. i am enough.

And with that - i leave you with some lovely tunage to remind you to sleep in.



PS. our Christmas tree is up sparkling, and Rolo has never acted more like a cat. It's lovely.

[day 2 mon]

it's funny how the more you do in a do a) the more you feel you've accomplished (duh) and b) the more energy you seem to have.

I'm not sure if this is truly common for a lot of people, but it was certainly the type of feeling i was living today. I made myself tackle the clothes on the floor, the laundry, the dirty kitchen and the sporadic kitchen room on top of the things i aimed to complete at work today. And frankly, it felt great. I wasn't wasting my time on things that didn't really need to be done, instead i tried to spend my time completing things that were really weighing on my shoulders.

Today was project completion day. Plus chowder. I made clam chowder for dinner today. I know, right? Totally random.

There area a lot of things i want to do in life. But there are much fewer [and also much more important] things that i should do. I'm glad i'm finally spending some time taking care of them.

Tomorrow is bath night! Where i get to use this hunk of love:It's called the comforter, and a comforter it is. Lush is one of my new favorite additions - and needless to say after going through their new winter catalog i want to take baths every single day [after visiting the closest Lush store that is]. The comforter takes me back to those good ol' true bubble bath days, because like the advertising for this puppy says it wraps you in a comforter of purple bubbles. And the plus side is - it makes your bath smell like yummy candy.

So yeah, i'm excited.

one love

dreams [part 2]

have you ever paid attention to the dreams of those around you? In the past few years i have begun making a habit of paying attention to people's dreams, and their plans, and if/when their steps begin to fall into place. Its incredible really, to see a dream through all of its stages, from conception to actualization; if something like that doesn't inspire you, then i don't know what would. The really interesting thing that i've begun to notice is that a specific end result doesn't always have to be known during all stages of planning, nor is a huge financial investment always required.

Also, i've learned that there may not always be a big "aha" moment in which you realize what your plan is. It may, in fact, take place over a number of small steps taken for a completely unrelated purpose. There is, however, always a logical solution to certain setbacks that usually moves us forwarding, providing that is where we are looking.

It is always interesting to look back and recap how smaller, more logical steps somehow get aligned to open doors you never knew existed in the first place. It is like finding the combination to a lock, when all you thought you were doing was walking towards the bike rack. Sometimes, once you start yourself down a road for change, your steps may seem baby, but they really can add up before you even realize it.

As I've mentioned before, Kelly Rae Roberts is a huge huge huge inspiration to me. First of all, because of her breathtaking talent. Her paintings say so much, and so little at the same time. A mixture of complex, but also simple. Second of all, she showcases her journey throughout the years on her blog [most recent blog truly captures why she is an inspiration]. Again, i find it fascinating to follow her journey - to see her humble beginnings and watch how her path unfolded and made her into the success she is today. When reading the few beginning blogs prior to discovering her art - it gives hope to the rest of us who are just starting out in whatever it may be that we like to do. You don't have to be incredibly talented from the beginning. You don't have to know everything there is to know. You don't have to worry about marketing yourself, or spending lots of money establishing a network. You just have to do what you want to be doing. In her case - she painted. She painted, and learned new tricks, and went to new events, and painted some more. She painted even though she disliked the finished products - until she was good, and started selling originals, and created her own shop, and got picked up by a major gift company, and now her artwork is displayed in home decor stores all across America (not Canada yet, but hopefully soon!).

These kinds of stories encourage me to embrace my wildest dreams, and to actually pay attention to my own personal mondo beyondo list. Sometimes when we don't know the big picture - we should just focus on the next step towards making our lives better.

We mustn't forget that we are all capable of doing something everyday that moves us forward in the direction of our dreams.

What have you accomplished today to bring you closer to your wildest dreams?

have a rice day [west coast women's show recap]

last weekend my mom, my sister and i did the west coast women's show at tradex in abbotsford. I've gone to the show the previous two years, but it was my mom's and my sister's first time. i have to admit, i am a sucker for trade shows, and craft fairs, and the booths at the PNE and the Lynden fair. there's just something about all those things that you can't find in a mall somewheres. who cares if a lot of the booths sell gimmicks like steam cleaners, and bumpits, and various versions of the sham-wow and the magic bullet. you say sham-wow demonstration and i say pure entertainment.

it cost us $8 to get in the door (thanks to the discounted price at London Drugs) and we each walked away with a hefty amount of free stuff by the time our day was over. Samples of snacks, granola bars, chocolate covered blueberries, fair trade coffee, currey, white wine, red wine and raspberry wine, fruit drinks and free candy. We also received goodie bags filled with free packages of rice [the bags actually said "have a rice day"], a roll of parchment paper [random], cake decorating items, fair trade & organic juice and a few more little things.

I also walkd away with a FREE class at the goddess movement, and some sweet promo codes discounts for some hotels in vancouver & squamish.

My favorite part of the show was this booth -->


the company name is Each An Original website can be found here and they make individual letter fridge magnets. Each piece is hand painted, and you can sort through the whole stack of "p"s and you will never find 2 the same. She also sells stainless steel/black wooden frames that are magnetic, so you can pick your letters and spell our the word of your choice on your frame. I purchased one - and will be sure to post a picture sometime soon. I chose the words "dream big" and it's going right over my desk when you walk into our house. It's lovely.

The lady that runs the company is just wonderful, we chatted about her company and where she is based out of, and the different things she offers. It is so inspiring to speak to someone who's dreams are currently coming true, and to see that they love what they are doing. We should all be so lucky to love what we do, each and every day.

Also, i learned that it would only cost $75 for Molly Maid to clean my house. I really should look more into that. Because seriously, that is dirt cheap and well worth it to have my house thoroughly cleaned by someone other than myself!

Anyways, that is all for now. i apologize for the lack of interesting pictures this time around. i will share more next time.

keep smiling out there guys, you're creating you destiny

i have found love [don't tell jess]

i have finally broken down and purchased the rocket stick from rogers. and it's love love love.
i finally get to use internet somewhere other than on the middle cushion on my couch.

being able to browse facebook, and read blogs in bed is pretty awesome. like really awesome. and comfortable! i have blankets and pillows and a cuddly dog, and tv to also listen to, if i so choose. although usually i've got good ol' you tube on in the background.

speaking of youtube, i will now be sharing with you one of the best covers of the year, hands down.



Someone i know (who has awesome taste in music) recently posted this on her facebook. And i pretty much keep it on repeat. I actually heard this version before hearing the Kings of Leon version, and i like this one so much better.

Probably because i'm partial towards paramore anyways.

On a more wintery and festive side of things. I am almost done my Christmas shopping and golly gee does it ever feel good. I purchased a few things online this year, and used ebay for the first time ever! (go me!). You can seriously find anything on there. Clearly i have been missing out on something very very big.

I've also gotten lost in the whole etsy thing too. There are SO MANY talented people out there, who make incredibly awesome things such as the following:

[1. sparrownestknits 2. halpal28 3. gsakowskidesigns 4. mickieandbetty]

i really can't get over the pure awesomeness that this community has and how unbelievably affordable most of it is. Someday i will knit awesome things and list them here for others to buy. But for now, i will just stick to multi coloured scarves [they make me happy].

I'm thinking about offering a scrapbooking class to teach this project -->


Class would be about 2 hours, and would be about $20 per person, possibly less if i can get a better deal on the materials. I'm thinking about running it mid-january - and it doesn't have to be for a dad. It can easily be altered for a "family" or "just the two of us" or "best friends" layout.
Let me know if any of you are interested, and if there is enough interest i will start working out the details.

I hope you are all enjoying the fall colours as must as I am.

keep on smiling & be cheerful :)

dreams - part 1

those who look outside dreams
those who look inside, awaken
- carl jung

Lately i've been pondering dreams. little ones, big ones, ones that are coming true, ones that seem so far away. dreams of others and dreams of my own. I sometimes forget the dreams that have already come true for me, because i am being too focused on the future. it's horrible, i know. But when i do remember to take time to remember my accomplishments, and to see how far i've come - it's really neat. I remember when i first drove by the apartments that we live in now, probably 3 or so years ago now. prior to driving by, I had no idea that this building even existed. Something about the look of the building drew me in - and i remember saying "I'm going to live here someday" with such conviction, i even surprised myself. A few months later i was moving in as a renter, and a few years later, me and jess now own. Mind you, i now strongly dislike anything to do with strata councils, but other than that we are as happy as little clams.

I also specifically remember the day i met Jess. Now i suppose this isn't anything i really accomplished but it certain is a dream come true. I phoned my best friend as soon as he left and told her exactly what i was feeling - that he was the one. There was no doubt in my mind that he was someone i wanted to be with, even if a) we had just met and b) the odds were stacked suprisingly against me. Now, here we are over a year and half later, and we are as happy as clams.

Over the past few years, i've grown closer to my family, i've gotten to travel to places i've never been before, i have a steady job which is currently allowing me to attend school in January, i've finally gotten the puppy i've always wanted, i've learned to knit, and i've managed to begin actually paying down some of my student associated debt.

Sometimes it is just too easy for us to become so consumed with our flaws and our shortfalls that we forget to acknowledge that we must be doing something right to have gotten us where we are today.

I've started doing yoga again (blame that for all this deep thinking!). Once a week, my mom and I meet at Natural Balance (go. enjoy. love. return) to stretch out our stress, and to catch up. Just having a once a week actual commitment outside of work feels wondeful. and on top of that, its amazing how much more peaceful the soul can feel after 1 hour of exercise (especially after a stressful day at the office).

Speaking of exercise... i've been hearing a lot about the grouse grind lately, and i'm curious to know... is it now too cold to do this hike? i'm a little embarrased to say that i've never done it, and im a little curious to see how awful my time would be. haha. If anyone is interested in tackling this challenge with me - do let me know.

Much love
shan

Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

How true is this? I was over visiting cosmo cricket today, and their very inspirational blog… and stumbled across some very important things that everyone should remember. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life – we get caught up – and forget the things that really matter.

Or, we get so caught up in the finer details, reading into things, and trying to figure out what everything means, that we forget the simple and obvious things. Some things just aren’t meant to be read into. Some things are to be taken simply as they are.

I am, of course speaking most definitely by experience – my life lately has been less than balanced and a little of kilter. That “something’s missing” nagging feeling has been tugging on my shoulders and bringing me down. Thinking about all the things I would change in my life if I had the time, energy, money and space. I have been feeling very limited, both professionally and creatively.

My schedule is off a little bit, I do know that. Kayla is away on vacation this week to Nova Scotia (where most of our family is from) (for those of you who aren’t aware, Kayla is one of the core members of our office staff – and also happens to be my one and only sister). She attended a wedding of one of our cousins last weekend, and I’ll be the first to admit I am a tad bit jealous. I’m happy for her of course, I just wish me and Jess could have gone back as well – to spend some time with my family (and to spend some time exploring NS in the summertime).

So, I’ve been getting up earlier than usual for the past week, and it is seriously kicking my butt. Who knew that 30 minutes would make such a difference in my life! I’ve been completely exhausted, energy levels are zilch, and I feel like curling up into a ball and sleeeeeeping forever. Not to mention my cranky moods have been over-the-top (which I feel terrible about).

To make a long story short – i have been spending so much time trying to figure out why I’m getting snappy at things, or thinking about how I can get the things that I need to stop being limited… that I’ve been forgetting all the things everyone should remember. The simple and obvious stuff like:

• No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

• Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

• If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

• Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

• No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

(all of these came from here)

Because of my mood this past week, I haven’t been inspired to post anything at all (I didn’t want to end up complaining… because my blog is supposed to be a happy place!).

But this is all I have for now. I can feel the wheels of happiness turning slightly in my heart – so I may be back with more later on.

Have a wonderful Thursday, and don’t forget to smile. Even if you feel as gloomy as Eeyore on a rainy day.

One love.

yeah so i'm reflecting

i am writing a lot now - like everyday. and it feels really really good. I can let out things as they occur to me rather than bottling it all up. Sometimes i start to feel selfish when i focus on myself this way - but i'm beginning to learn how important it is for me. I suppose i've always been a very introverted person. Not to say i think only about myself, instead that i highly believe in the exploration of the self. We have all been given great talents, everyone one of us. But they are hidden, and it is up to us to take the time to uncover and nuture them into something great.

I believe that we already have everything we need, hidden within us, some things deeper than others. BUT if we never take the time to look for them, then these great things get passed by. As cheesy as it sounds, and regardless of what religion you follow - it is seriously important to take time to get to know your soul. Connect with that awesome and wonderful life source that makes us who we are - it is the very essence of our personalities, it bears the beginnings of our creativeness, and it inspires us to put those beautiful feelings we experience on paper.

Whether it be through drawing, or painting or writing or photography, or any other means of expression. What we put out into reality is a reflection of who we really are. And really, if we haven't spend the time to understand who are we are, our expressions are going to be all over the place, way too busy, and going in too many directions.

I am currently trying to find out which direction i want to go in - because right now i am being inspired by so many awesome things, i don't know where to begin. It probably doesnt help that i am also trying to go in a direction where i can possibly, eventually, be able to make a living off whatever i've chosen. it is my dream to someday be able to make a living doing something i absolutely love, but then again, who doesn't have that dream.

Then what happens though, is that i get overwhelmed and frustrated and i end up doing nothing at all. I am just now figuring out that i probably should only focus on learning only one thing at a time - however - every artist i am inspired by (through flickr and blogs, etc) seem to be doing more than one thing and rocking out on everything they do. *insert mini "i want that" tantrum here* aaaaaannnndddd a lot of them have sweet deals as being members of design teams. i would love love love to be a part of that, and would love to learn how one gets into this/hears about DT calls, etc.

(but i won't even get into some of the insecurities that come along with that idea - we'll save that one for a nother reflection post!).

So instead - here is a little something i made yesterday. It is a sign that i made to remind people when i am on my break at work (they sometimes forget). Now, if i get interrupted i can kindly point to this cute little sign. The best thing is... i actually made it on my lunch break.

In closing:

Life is a journey, and we always have a choice.
We can stay within our comfort zone or we can push the boundaries.
Pushing will most certainly be uncomfortable at times - but just think of the roads it could lead you down.

This is the beginning of something big

Thank goodness for Kelly Rae for the first time in about a month i have felt that i am not alone! I stumbled across her "my journey" section, about becoming a successful artist... and it is so inspiring!

Right now i am a whirlwind of emotions, and too much excitement. I think about creating all the time now - i want to soak everything up techniques, different materials, drawing, inspiration, words, phrases, lyrics. Everything is just a jumble of inspiration and i just don't know what do to with it all.

There is so much out there and i want to get started, but i don't know where to start!

I feel a little less crazy now, and a little more comforted knowing someone else's mind has done the same thing before. What a relief.

I guess all there is left to do is --> stop worring and thinking and start creating.