taking a media break

Hey guys and dolls

I've been taking a little bit of a social media hiatus lately... and it feels good good good.

After reading this post over at the Gypsy Girl's Guide, I've been contemplating the reasons why I write here, and why I use twitter, and why I am trying to connect people.

I've realized that the true main reason I started writing this blog, was in hopes to find and connect with other like minded people (as myself).

i must be doing something wrong

As the Gypsy Girl so honestly describes, somehow, somewhere along the way of connecting with others, we loose sight of what it's all about.

So I've been taking some time to think about how I spend my time online, what I'm thinking when I am online, and how it makes me feel. And sadly, the minute i stopped scouring the internet looking for people to connect with, the better i felt about myself.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I often reflect back on the blog that I used to write a few years ago, while I was still in college.

I think about what I wrote about, how I wrote it, extra things I did to express myself, and most importantly, how I felt while I was doing so.

And for some reason, I seemed to feel BETTER doing it years ago, than I do now. Don't get me wrong, I love my little blog with my modest number of followers, and it feels great to write for it. But something about the stats, the business concepts and the details I feel I should be implementing (design & layout ideas, post ideas, etc) is seeming to tharwt my usual imaginative self.

I actually feel like I am always trying to get back to the days that have passed. The days where I could sit myself in front of a computer screen with a warm cup of tea and just write. On any topic that seemed to being nagging at my heart on that particular day. To share insight and encouragement to those around me. To be silly, and creative, and quirky.

No matter what anyone else says, those were the days that my fingers flew, that my heart was attached to every character typed. It was my heart, exposed.

It probably wasn't a coincidence that in those days, I didn't read many other blogs. I only knew about those that my friends or co-workers had, and together we created our own kind of network from scratch.

Since starting my new, more "grown up" blog, I am consistently feeling a need to break into a network. Maybe if I comment enough I'll be accepted, maybe if I increase my traffic I'll be accepted, maybe if i could create artwork was as good as ______ I'd be accepted.

I've learned that the blog community is supposed to be just that, but finding your space can be much more difficult than one would think - especially in today's business related world, where you are only worth knowing if you are good enough/tweeted enough/or if your site is visited enough.

Truth be told, the more I read, the more successful people I was exposed to, the more I felt that I wasn't good enough. In a world where we need money in order to pursue our passions, i became easily influenced by those running craft/art/photography blogs, and using them to generate income by accepting sponsors.

I then began spending too much time considering my online image, considering how to become an opportunist, wondering how i could possibly become more of a possibilitarian, or how i could make my blog a "viable platform" for whatever business idea i may be cooking up to launch in the near-or-far future.

so I'm taking some time to think

I'm taking some time to get back on the right track, and not allow myself to become discouraged by the greatness of others - because it seems that is all i am seeing this days (which doesn't bode well for anybodies well-being, especially my own).

So adieu for now, but not forever

[and on a totally unrelated note.... GO CRYSTAL BOWERSOX :) ]